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Ways to Make Amends in Recovery

Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around. Recovery from addiction is a challenging journey, marked by personal transformation and self-discovery. One crucial aspect of this process is making amends, a step that holds immense power in healing and rebuilding relationships.

How to Start Step 9

By making all the amends, you show your dedication to a new way of life, especially in instances where someone has passed on or amends can not be made for safety or legal reasons. Confidential helplines, like SAMHSA’s National Helpline, offer support and referrals for those navigating addiction recovery. Continued participation in therapy and support meetings is essential for managing the challenges that arise during the amends process. These support systems ensure that individuals have the guidance and encouragement needed to navigate this challenging but rewarding aspect of recovery. An amends letter can be a powerful way to communicate intentions when direct communication is not possible. Begin with a sincere apology, being specific about the wrongs committed instead of making vague statements of guilt.

Work on your relationships

Guilt and shame anchor people alcoholism treatment to their past and trap them in old ways that prevent them from growing and moving on with their lives. By tackling step nine, recovering alcoholics can be freed from their past, including addiction. Living amends involve ongoing actions that demonstrate a commitment to recovery and behavioral transformation. Unlike direct or indirect amends, which might be one-time actions, living amends involve actively demonstrating changed behavior over time to show accountability for past actions. This can include improving relationships through positive interaction, such as spending more time with loved ones.

• For example, Alcoholic Anonymous (AA)’s ninth step involves making amends to the individuals in your life who were affected by your addiction.
• In most cases, the offender owes apologies to the people closest to them, like their friends, parents, and children.
• For example, say that you stole $20 from your brother while you were using.
• Those who receive an amends see firsthand that people with use disorders can and do recover, becoming healthy, happy and productive community members.
• And love motivates individuals to give selflessly, positively impacting the lives of others.
• One of the greatest regrets some people endure is not apologizing to a loved one for past wrongs before they die.

Step 1 – What it Means to Admit Powerlessness

Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends. While making amends is apologizing, living amends means living a completely new, sober lifestyle, and being committed to that lifestyle for both yourself and those you’ve harmed in the past. It means that you’re not just using your words to show a change, your actions are proving this change as well. Making direct amends to those harmed is the focal point of the Ninth step in the 12-step process. This step goes beyond verbal apologies – it requires a demonstration of changed behaviors and a commitment to correcting past wrongs. It’s an integral challenge that necessitates confronting personal feelings of shame, pride, or entitlement.

Accepting outcomes and working towards rebuilding relationships fosters closure and forward movement in recovery. Once you enter into sobriety, there isn’t a set timeline for working Steps 8 and 9, so you might want to ask your sponsor and recovery support network for their insights about whether you’re ready. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way. But by prioritizing your recovery on a daily basis and doing whatever that next right thing might be for you, you will keep moving forward in living a life of good purpose. It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt.

It’s important to remember that the benefits of making amends may not be immediate, and the process can be challenging. However, the long-term rewards in terms of personal growth, improved relationships, and emotional well-being make it a crucial and worthwhile part of the recovery journey. The act of living amends making amends is a testament to your strength, resilience, and determination to create a better life for yourself and those around you. If the harm you caused someone included monetary damage and you do not have the financial means to make direct amends in a monetary way, this does not mean that you should not make amends to that person. Your AA sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person can help you determine how best to address making amends. Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently.

Types of Amends in AA

• It’s important to remember that the benefits of making amends may not be immediate, and the process can be challenging.
• The unfortunate truth is that we’re all human and we all fall short sometimes.
• Be ready to listen with empathy and ask if they have suggestions on repairing the harm you created.6.

My living amends is being the son she deserves–someone who will do for her as she has always done for me. It is not a time to make excuses for our behavior instead, it’s an open door for the wronged person to express themselves. They get the opportunity to express how my actions affected them. Living amends look different for everyone, depending on the specific negative behavior patterns you have identified while working the 12 Steps. Determining the most impactful living amends will require a great deal of honesty.